When you feel like you’re done

This was a post from a friend of mine that I thought so very eloquent, I asked if I could share it. I was going to add some of my thoughts, but she pretty much sums up certain times in my life when I’ve hit the wall. Thanks, Linda

I trust you Lord, I do. I know your plan is always the best, I know this. You have been faithful in every way to me . There are times however, when I want to throw a tantrum and say No, it’s not fair. Don’t ask this of me. Even though I know its nothing compared to the sacrifice you made for me. I know you will equip me and you will walk with me though fire even. I know this because you have done this for me many times. We have walked some difficult paths together. I know I will be stronger and I will be closer as a result. I do want that. But there are times that I don’t want to be Spiritually mature, I really really don’t. And even in such moments you are right there understanding and not condemning me. I want things my way, I want to shut my eyes and shake my head, stomp my feet and clench my fists. I want it my way, the easier way in my thinking. But in truth my way is never easy, especially if it’s outside of your will. The enemy whispers to me, “He gives you glimpses good things ahead, the desires of your heart even, then immediately snatches them away.” Yet I know that is not true. The enemy is a liar! You ARE a good good father. Your plans for me are good, to prosper me not to harm me to give me a hope and a future. So I will submit and follow your Son’s example and say, Not my will, by your will. That’s the Spiritually mature thing to do. Any thing else is idolatry and sin even, I know better than to push my agenda. It’s the next level, isn’t it? You’re calling me to go higher up and deeper in. I know it will be better, but I stand here thinking, wouldn’t it be easier to just stay here a while, I think I got this level down and can relax a bit. But that’s just another lie. I know you, and further more, I know I can trust you. So, I choose to take your hand as you lead me to step up to the next level. I am a little shaky Lord, so hold tight, I will try not to stumble and fall. My eyes are on you, my ears are open to hear and my heart is receptive to receive your next instructions. Don’t let go of my hand, I will need you close! But you already knew that, didn’t you and that’s part of it too. YAH, I see that. So, while we are at this, let’s stop by the enemy’s camp and stir things up a bit, ok?

When He Held Me

So the Father has recently been pressing upon me a testimony that happened my senior year in college that I hadn’t thought about in years. There is something that He wants to show me, but I think maybe there’s something He can show you, too…

It was early October; I had just done an all-nighter to finish a paper due that morning, and was considering taking a nap before I had to get ready for class. Our apartments were behind a night club, and I heard a ruckus, thinking it was the regular dawn crowd. I looked outside our balcony, and this man was jumping up and down yelling “Fuego! Fuego!” I could hardly grasp the significance of this when I smelled some acrid smoke. I awoke my roommates and we evacuated our apartment. We saw that the fire was coming from the apartment 3 doors over and 1 floor down, but it didn’t seem large, and we heard the firetrucks coming. We dashed in to grab some important things and wait for the fire to be put out so we can go back to our lives. I realized that I wasn’t going to get to class on time, so my roommates and I trekked to the office to call our morning professors to let them know we wouldn’t be in class. Walking back to the parking lot in front of our place, we crested the hill and stopped in shock. If you’ve seen pictures of the bombing of Hiroshima, you might have an idea of what we saw. There was this huge black smoke cloud rising from the top of the apartments, with dark orange angry flames in the center. Suddenly I knew we wouldn’t be in class at all that day. There was shocked whispering among the residents, and the word “asbestos” came up. It was an old apartment building, and the roof still had that cancerous material in it. If by any chance any of the units escape the flames, everything still would be condemned. That day, I walked away with my backpack, my car, and a pair of pink pajamas.

What followed I couldn’t make up in my wildest dreams. I spent the next eight weeks tossing between the couches of some good friends. My sorority was beginning our orientation period, a time of intense bible studies and bonding activities that took place every day for over three weeks, and I was president at the time. I got into a car accident, and somehow got myself involved in identity theft. I realized it when I was trying to find another apartment and my application was declined. A couple of verses from Job came to mind during that time – “Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him” and “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will return. Blessed be the Name of the Lord.” I thought it facetiously; in actuality, I was at peace, and had a certain joy in how my Lord loved me and was taking care of me. I was homeless, but I always had a place to stay. My teachers extended grace for my projects. Money kept coming to me like I never imagined. My wallet was never empty: people I didn’t even know were handing me money, my church supported me, and two of my frat brothers withdrew more than they could afford, I’m sure and God bless them, and just handed me hundreds of dollars. Philippians 4:11-13 was very close to me during that time, because I lived it: Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. The National Board of my sorority admonished my for not letting them know of my need. It couldn’t be helped, I didn’t experience any material need.

So the last week of class, I began feeling like someone ran over me with a steamroller, picked me up, shook me out, and put me through the wringer. Yeah, I came down with the flu for the first time ever. (Side note: cough syrup with codeine very VERY bad.) I was getting ready for class because, as I said before, it was the final week before finals started, and I had tests and major papers to finish. I was at my friend’s apartment (still homeless at this point) and putting on my sneakers as another friend was telling me how not well I looked. She took it upon herself to take off one shoe while I was putting on the other, and as I tried to put that one back on, she took of the other shoe and told me I wasn’t going anywhere. I couldn’t think straight, couldn’t even stand up straight. I finally gave in, and she tucked me in on the couch before leaving. I was by myself in the apartment, so achy and a bit worried about classes, but in the end just crying out to God. I don’t recall praying for anything, just needing Him so much. Suddenly I felt His arms around me, like a hug from behind, and I heard Him saying “It’s going to be okay. Everything is going to be fine.” I wept and wept, knowing that My God was taking care of me, meeting my every need, even my need to be held and cradled when I was worn down, weary, and sick.

To me, that’s such an amazing testimony of the goodness and loving kindness of the Creator, and I am so surprised that I haven’t thought about it in years. What is He showing me, reminding me of all this? I don’t quite know, but I am trying to listen and learn. What is He telling you?