I did mention before that this trust thing is not a journey for the faint of the heart. Today was rough – very, very rough. So, my reading this morning took me to Genesis 22, the recounting of God asking Abraham offer his only son, his Promise, on the altar to Him. I can only imagine Abraham’s shock and second guessing, but what we see in this passage is a steadiness, confidence, and trust that blows my mind. In verse 5, he tells his servants, “Stay here with the donkey while the boy and I go over there and worship, and come back to you.” He’s being completely obedient, yet trusting that the promise the Lord has given him about Isaac will still come to pass. When his son asks, understandably, where the sacrifice is for the offering, Abraham replies, “…Elohim does provide for Himself the lamb for an ascending offering.” Hebrew 11:17-19 (NASB) tells us:
By faith Abraham, when he was tested, offered up Isaac, and he who had received the promises was offering up his only begotten son; it was he to whom it was said, “In Isaac your descendants shall be called.” He considered that God is able to raise people even from the dead, from which he also received him back as a type.
There is no dialogue of discussing, reasoning, pleading. I simply see obedience and a trust that God is who He says He is and will do what He says He will do, regardless of the circumstances.
So as I sat reflecting on that – a trust that seems to me to guide an unequivocal obedience, a confidence in a trustworthy Father who fulfills His promises – He brought to the front of my mind a couple of promises that I had folded, boxed up, and put away because it was no longer possible. I had let them go because the time seemed to have passed, and the process was truly one of the more painful times in my life. I figured I needed to just take my hands off and leave it to whatever God wants to do with it. But as I reflected on Abraham and his son, I felt the Lord point them out and ask me if I will trust Him in that, too.
I wept. I cried off and on all day, and I’m wiping tears off my keyboard as I type. This is way harder than trusting Him to provide for the bills. I remember some verse about those faithful in a little will be faithful in much, and I’m thinking, I’m so not ready for the much. I feel so bruised once again; I don’t have the strength for this. And still He asks, will I trust Him in all things.
I find myself repenting – not just repenting, but making teshuva, changing my direction. Instead of walking away from broken things and dreams, I choose to stand and make an offering to He who is Trustworthy. Instead of reasoning based on circumstances, I choose to trust in His promises. And in spite of the whirling emotions of fear, pain, weariness, etc., I chose fulfill my promise I made to my Father decades ago, that whatever He asks of me, the answer is yes.