Matthew 6:25-34. Let’s take a look:
For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life? And why are you worried about clothing? Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin, yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith! Do not worry then, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear for clothing?’ For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. “So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
This passage doesn’t mention trust – it exemplifies it. It’s what I thought about after the railing at God because I felt like I followed what He said but had no way to support myself, even to pay the most basic bills. We, rather I, have the concept of trusting Him for everything, and I truly do – to an extent. But when I have tried everything I know to do, and there is absolutely nowhere else to turn and no reasonable (and/or legal) way to eke out the next day, let alone the next week or the next month, I found myself hanging on to trust by a thread with one hand, and waving my hand with the other, crying out alternately demanding that He fix it and pleading with Him to know where I’ve gone wrong.
And time and time again, Abba shows me how he cares and how he’s taking care of me. I’ve never had to go hungry. I’ve always had a roof over my head, whether my own, or the kindness of friends and family. I have shoes on my feet and clothes on my body, and it has been repeatedly through unexpected resources that come exactly at the right time. And grateful though I am, I go back to finding out how I can depend on myself so that this doesn’t happen again. And as I came to the breaking point once again this past week, Yahweh once again proved Himself faithful and worthy of my trust, even when the world is pressing in, and provided finances for rent and food when there was no way I could get it on my own in time. And as I sat weeping in my car, grateful once again, this passage came to mind.
A friend had sent an update in which he said that simply regretting or repenting just isn’t enough – we must act to make it real. So again, I’m making a choice – acting out my repentance – and trusting God despite the circumstances. This journey is not for the faint of heart.
Redshoooz – Wholehearted
BYNA 40 Days – Day 2