More than I hoped for

It’s a crazy, scary, exhilarating, confusing, crazy, and scary journey, you know? But as you take the first steps, no matter how small they are, the Lord proves Himself over and over, and you gain confidence that your trust is rightly placed. And even when things don’t go the way that you were hoping, you know that there is something else amazing at play.

I checked my account and it was in the positive. It had $1.47, but at least the numbers were black, and not red – I know enough to be grateful for certain graces. I remembered that I had my car insurance coming out on Monday, and I’m thinking, well, there is nothing I can do about it. Not. A. Thing. Payday isn’t until the following Friday, and a little money may or may not come in on Monday, but after my account goes red. But God has shown up stranger ways, so I might as well just give it up to him. It’s a waste of energy to worry about what I can’t fix.

Then I’m notified that I have some funds coming to me, and it’s just enough to cover the bill! Woo-hoo! In the same hour, two other unexpected bills show up. This can’t be my life, but it is. Oh well, at least I’m good for one. God’s got the rest, because I certainly don’t. But, when the check is written, it ends up being enough to cover all three bills. And the money on Monday will be enough for groceries. I sit in wonder, and remember a post I wrote years ago, Gather Not a Few. It’s a reflection on the story of Elisha and the widow and her son going hungry in famine. He tells her to gather jars, gather not a few, and fill them up. Here’s what I wrote, and what I remembered today:

Now, the widow, not really knowing Elisha or what was going on, gathered as many jars she could find, expecting he would do something. Why do I, who knows how big, generous, loving, etc, my God is, only put out my faith for a little blessing, or “just enough”, thinking that I can just get by?

Yes, I can trust Him for the manna for each day. I can also lay out my needs, and let Him handle how He’s going to arrange things, because, you know, He’s God and I’m not. I’m cool with that.

BYNA 40 Days – Day 13, Day 14

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Firm and Faithful

So, I headed to my Strong’s dictionary and saw a wealth of information. There are (according to Strong’s) 9 Hebrew words associated with the root word “trust”, and 5 Greek words. Of course I’m going to dig deeper!

‘âman; to be firm, faithful, true; to trust. To build up or support; to foster as a parent or nurse; fig. to render (or be) firm or faithful, to trust or believe, to be permanent or quiet; to be true or certain; hence, assurance, believe, bring up, establish.

Words carry weight, often times more than we realize. So when I say, “But as for me, I trust in You, O Lord, I say, ‘You are my God'” (Psalm 31:14), I am cognizant that I am firm in what I say, and I will be faithful in that belief, and I believe in Him with all of my heart. There is no room for doubt in that. Amen.

BYNA 40 days – Day 11, Day 12

 

I’ll stand before my Lord of Song

Most people know the hauntingly beautiful song “Hallelujah” written by Leonard Cohen. There have been many renditions, and many expositions of it including himself. He wrote various verses, and when he performed, he sang different sets of lyrics. But I digress. I keep coming back to the last verse:

I did my best, it wasn’t much

I couldn’t feel, so I tried to touch

I’ve told the truth, I didn’t come to fool you

And even though it all went wrong

I’ll stand before the Lord of Song

With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah

To me, that touches on a journey of trying, trials, disappointment, disaster, but confidence in the end that the Lord is worthy of praise. Even though the world is falling down around you, He is still trustworthy. Amen.

For your listening pleasure:

BYNA 40 Days – Day 10

One Day’s Strength

Meet Jenn. We knew each other years ago and just reconnected this weekend. She has her own amazing, difficult, trying, and overcoming story that has helped develop her where she is. And as we were talking and she shared with me her last post, I thought what a poignant picture this was of trusting Yah for each day. Read below, read the rest, read her story, and go on, one day at a time.

BYNA 40 Days – Day 9

Imperfect Progress

A few weeks ago I picked up Freefall to Fly for my morning time with the Lord and part of this study is a journal at the end of each lesson. The below is excepts from yesterday’s journal, cleaned up a bit.

Last night at the FOCUS conference God showed up. I mean, He’s always there. But it was a unique experience. During the first set of music I started crying. (This is becoming a common theme with music and I haven’t decided how I feel about it, crying is new territory for me.)

Why are you crying? I asked, a bit annoyed but also glad for the darkness that no one could see me. It’s been a hard week, came the response from my soul. My mind rolled over the challenges of the week and my heart began to ache. No one thing in isolation would have been…

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Can we be entrusted?

Just a reminder – trust works both ways. While I’m working on fully trusting the Lord, I myself need to be trustworthy. I want to be faithful with the things at hand, in front of me, that I may be entrusted with future and possibly bigger things.

I really like what this article below from First Fruits of Zion has to say about preparing to by trustworthy. It definitely does help me recognize areas I need to focus on…

Forty Years of Preparation

Before God can entrust us with great things, we must prove faithful with the little things. Yeshua says, “He who is faithful in a very little thing is faithful also in much; and he who is unrighteous in a very little thing is unrighteous also in much” (Luke 16:10). God tested the children of Israel for forty years in the wilderness before bringing them into the Promised Land to humble them and to see if they would remain faithful to His Torah.

“Through many tribulations we must enter the kingdom of God.” (Acts 14:22)

During the forty years that the children of Israel wandered in the wilderness, God provided for their every need. He fed them manna from heaven and water from a rock. He miraculously preserved their clothing and shoes so that they would not wear out. Through these daily miracles, the children of Israel learned to trust in God for all their physical needs. They learned that “man does not live by bread alone, but man lives by everything that proceeds out of the mouth of the LORD” (Deuteronomy 8:3).

All of that was about to change… Read More Here

BYNA 40 Days – Day 8

You’re doing what?

I got slammed and got behind in everything – trying to get back on track…

I was reading in Ezekiel the other day and a passage kind of hit me between the eyes:

And the word of the Lord came to me saying, “Son of man, behold, I am about to take from you the desire of your eyes with a blow; but you shall not mourn and you shall not weep, and your tears shall not come. Groan silently; make no mourning for the dead. Bind on your turban and put your shoes on your feet, and do not cover your mustache and do not eat the bread of men.” So I spoke to the people in the morning, and in the evening my wife died. And in the morning I did as I was commanded. The people said to me, “Will you not tell us what these things that you are doing mean for us?” Then I said to them, “The word of the Lord came to me saying, ‘Speak to the house of Israel, “Thus says the Lord God, ‘Behold, I am about to profane My sanctuary, the pride of your power, the desire of your eyes and the delight of your soul; and your sons and your daughters whom you have left behind will fall by the sword. You will do as I have done; you will not cover your mustache and you will not eat the bread of men. Your turbans will be on your heads and your shoes on your feet. You will not mourn and you will not weep, but you will rot away in your iniquities and you will groan to one another. Thus Ezekiel will be a sign to you; according to all that he has done you will do; when it comes, then you will know that I am the Lord God.’”

Ezekiel 24:15-27

A tiny bit of context, and I suggest you read the rest of the book for yourself, is this is a prophet who the Lord has called to speak to the exiles of Israel. They continue to do that for which they are banished, and God has some things to say them, and Ezekiel was asked, and he was obedient – “…whether they hear or whether they refuse, for they are a rebellious house [and they] shall know that a prophet has been in their midst.” Ezekiel 2:5.

Ezekiel goes on to describe some of the hard, strange, interesting, and rather extreme things and acts he had to do to get the message out. Then this comes – He tells Ezekiel that He’s taking away his beloved wife (“the desire of your eyes”) and to not mourn, because he is to be a sign to them that they shall know that He is God.

Can I hold on to trust when God tears something good away from me in order to be used so that other people to know that He is God? Altruistically, we can say yes, but when the pain of that comes, can I choose to do so? I am recognizing that trust means so much more than believing everything will come out okay for me in the moment, and obeying even when I know I will lose a desire of my heart.

Everything will work out in the end – Romans 8:28. The question is can we endure the journey that gets us there?

RedShoooz – Abundance of the Heart

BYNA 40 Days – Day 7

Yet will I trust Him

Job 13

Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him.
Even so, I will defend my own ways before Him.

– Job 13:15 (NKJV)

This is choosing to trust, choosing to praise regardless of what is happening around and to us. Some friends and I were chatting today about grief, and how it is usually suppressed and hidden away quickly. An interesting topic brought to light was the fact that there are quite a few Psalms that are desperate cries, and often with no visible resolution. Today, there are not too many of our worship songs and Psalms that we know of that well and truly delve into the depth of despair that David speaks of when his son Absalom turns away from him, or his councilor and friend, Ahithophel betrays him. What happens to our praise, or worship, our trust when situations like that don’t ever resolve.

This song touched me deeply in the depths of my own despair just recently – determination to choose trust, even when. May we all continue to sing praise even when it makes no sense.

RedShoooz – Glad Heart

BYNA 40 Days – Day 6